Sometimes I wish I were more glitz and glamour. There is something awe-inspiring about it: People living that #amazing life with a millionaire nomad lifestyle. When I wrote this (in the midst of the pandemic) no one was traveling but lots of us were reliving memories of past vacations and so looking forward to when we can all travel again. But even my best memories of past vacations pale in comparison to some of the people I follow. Luxurious all-expenses paid trips to Bali by private jet, is that something I someday aspire to? Half of me screams "Yess!" and the other half cocks his head to the side saying "Is it?"
Last week, I wrote about how I discovered that less is more for me. I could take a step back from always hunting for more and create a so much more fulfilling life. But it doesn't mean that I know what I'm doing 😛 I'm haunted by insecurity sometimes - actually more often than I care to admit. And even these imaginary trips to Bali (I've never been by the way) feed into the self-doubt. Half of me would like to take that trip to Bali by private jet someday. Why? I guess, somewhere I think it would mean that I've made it. It would mean that all people who doubted me would see how successful I am and be in awe of me as I am in awe of people who have that lifestyle.
Only one thing wrong with this picture: I don't like to travel. Not really. I used to travel all the time as a scientist and it grew stale after a few years. I can't sleep well in an unfamiliar space unless I have earplugs and an eye mask (okay, full disclosure, I also sleep with those at home). I love my routine and being in my familiar space to work. I love that we get fresh vegetables delivered from local farmers on Thursdays. I love going for a walk in the neighborhood and seeing horses and sheep. I love living under the radar. Basically, the more boring my life is, the happier I am.
Nothing here says glitz or glamour and it got me thinking. This Bali thing seems so simple, why is it causing me to doubt myself? Whether I get to take that trip "someday" shouldn't even matter right now. But yet it does. Because it's me comparing myself to other people again. It has nothing to do with what I really want for my life (or with Bali for that matter), so I end up measuring myself according to someone else's dream.
Self-doubt can sneak up on you and it comes from unexpected places sometimes. It's the little things we feed into our minds every day that ultimately shape our beliefs and our actions. With every step I take in my business, I feel new insecurities. Thinking that I need to do things perfectly, that I can't make mistakes, or that I should do what other people do it to be successful. Self-doubt roots itself in and I spend hours and hours de-weeding until the next weed pops his head up (sorry, I'm in gardening mode now that spring is here 😉).
I don't have a special formula or magic potion to weed-out self-doubt (okay, I'm done with the gardening thing 😆). For me, it's a constant work in progress. It's about constantly checking in with myself and my motivation for doing things. It's about constantly exposing myself to things that inspire me to live up to my own dream, like the books I read, the shows I watch, even the songs I listen to. And it's about accepting that I'm more country than glamour and that's okay.
What's your dream? What does a day in your ideal life look like? Maybe you are all about that millionaire nomad lifestyle and then I encourage you to fully embrace that. Whatever the case, forget about everyone else's measurements of a great life and go for yours!