Proposals and expectations

I remember watching Crazy Rich Asians. Have you seen that movie? It’s one of those easy romantic comedies to relax and turn off your mind in the evening.

One of the scenes in the film is an over the top wedding proposal where the man drops on his knees and declares his undying love and support for this woman who is an odd duck: ambitious and not at all “wife” material according to his mother. Oops, should I have started that sentence with spoiler alert..? Well, I think we can let it slide because, if you’ve seen any rom com, you probably already knew how that was going to go 😆

Why is it that every rom com includes an uber romantic declaration of love, usually the man taking it upon himself to blow us away with his poetic artistry? And why is it that we somewhere have come to expect it...?

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Just for fun - and for contrast - let me tell you about my wedding proposal.

The scene: The couch. Empty take out containers.

Relationship status: 8 years in. Living together for 7.

I said (without making eye contact): “Shall we get married then?”

He said (without making eye contact): “Ok” and shrugged his shoulders.

There you have it.

Not quite like in the movies… Had I imagined things differently when I was younger? Of course. Did I expect the man to go down on his knee and blow me away with his poetic artistry? I’ll be honest and say yes.

And it’s no wonder because that was all I’d ever seen.

No one in real life ever told me really what it was like when they decided to get married or when they decided not to get married. No one really ever told me what it was like when they decided to have kids or when they decided not to have kids.

The most important choices in life are oddly cloaked in obscurity.

Which causes us to have expectations of what something “should” look like. We take the little information we have, the few examples we’ve seen (which quite often are from movies) and we make an assumption that that’s all there is.

Some of my clients think that because they feel tired all the time, there must be something wrong with them. No one else seems to have that problem..? Or some think that they simply can’t trust themselves anymore after things not having worked out before. Other people seem to have it all together so there must be something wrong with them for not being able to…?

It’s time that you realize that much more is available to you than what you’ve come to expect.

That the important choices in life don’t have to be cloaked in obscurity. That there’s nothing wrong with you for not having it all figured out. (Here’s a little secret: no one has ).

We’re all just putting one foot after the other, trying to live a fulfilling life. You can too. If you want my help to figure out what your next step could be to live a more fulfilling life, then apply for the Joyful and Impactful Introvert program.

And about those uber romantic declarations of love? The most sincere ones often happen in the little mundane moments: on the coach, surrounded by take out.